1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,804 Lady Luck is on your side from LA to Vegas. 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,907 What, are you gonna put a sock on the cockpit door? Don't cockpit-block me. 3 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,342 Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays. 4 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,977 And check out our other Fox programs, 5 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,046 The Mick, The Last Man on Earth, 6 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,247 and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. 7 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,582 The kids are gonna love it. 8 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,749 Only on Fox. 9 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,021 Hey, guys. 10 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,024 Ronnie, where's your uniform? You look like a pheasant. 11 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,993 You mean peasant. She looks like a peasant. 12 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,262 -Pheasant is a bird. -I'm so confused. 13 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,531 When I was a boy, we used to hunt both. 14 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,266 I'm not working today. 15 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,867 Actually, me and Bernard and Dave 16 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,270 are flying over to Phoenix for Jackpot training. 17 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,706 (scoffs) Jackpot training. What, you need a refresher 18 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,941 on how to tip a can when you pour a drink? 19 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,543 Are you sure you want to be that condescending 20 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,212 to the people who pour you those drinks? 21 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,846 I instantly regretted it. I'm truly sorry. 22 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,381 -You're a national treasure. -RONNIE: Mm-hmm. 23 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,250 Yeah, to be honest, it's called training, 24 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,252 but it's really two days of partying, 25 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,454 -drinking out of ice luges. -And sexual assignations. 26 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,123 Last year, we went through 27 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,790 -two Olympic villages worth of condoms. -Mm-hmm. 28 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,093 You see, Jackpot doesn't do things like bonuses 29 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,728 or health insurance or bathroom breaks, 30 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,231 so this is their unofficial way of making it up to us. 31 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,065 Grapefruits' training is just a few dance lessons 32 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,634 and how to say "help" in Russian 33 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,536 in case you wake up in a shipping container. 34 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,570 Hmm. 35 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,272 I can see by your sad faces 36 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,740 you've been delivered the bad news. 37 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,142 Your flight today will be lacking 38 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,244 a certain je ne sais Dave. 39 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,079 That's French for moi. 40 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,682 Come on, fellas. We got a party to get to. 41 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,590 Did he just drive away on his suitcase? 42 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,626 Wow, it carries your stuff and you can ride it. 43 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,595 Sorry, donkeys, you had a good run. 44 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,929 PILOT (over P.A.): Jackpot Airlines. 45 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,931 Northeast-bound to Las Vegas. 46 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,933 * 47 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,436 (slot machine chiming) 48 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,638 (electronic chime) 49 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,776 This couldn't be coming at a better time. 50 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,077 After these last few months, 51 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,446 I could use two days of guilt-free sanctioned partying. 52 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,482 Looks like you already started. What is that? 53 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:55,916 A Bakersfield mimosa. 54 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,785 Sparkling wine and orange Jell-O mix. You want some? 55 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,953 Hey, you're using the purse I got you. 56 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,189 No, thank you, Ronnie. 57 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,690 I want to be alert and clear-eyed 58 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,458 for my pending rendezvous with flight attendant tonight 59 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,160 and flight attendant tomorrow. 60 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,995 I have no intention of learning their names. 61 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,330 Your loss. Dave? 62 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,532 No. I have a cigar and snifter of scotch 63 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,967 waiting for me when I get upstairs to meet the boys. 64 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,370 It's gonna feel real good to kick back, light one up, 65 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,472 and trade stories with Captain Gus and Captain Al. 66 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,474 Oh, look. There's your hallway 67 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,343 back to the golden age for white guys. 68 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,445 Tell the misogyny we say hi. 69 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,147 I will. 70 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,383 (laughs): I'm so excited, Bernard. 71 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,685 I heard this year there's gonna be a martini station, 72 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,387 a mashed potato bar, 73 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:36,790 and a surprising amount of those bummer desk, chair things. 74 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,859 How the hell are we supposed to have sex on those? 75 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,160 Never mind, I figured it out. 76 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:44,332 Hi. Hi. Excuse me. You look official. 77 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,467 What's going on? Where's the bar? 78 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,202 Oh, sorry... Ronnie. 79 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,137 Uh, there's not gonna be a bar this year. 80 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,140 Okay, so w-what are you saying? It's just kegs? 81 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,810 No, what I'm saying is that the parties are off. 82 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,145 Jackpot has had a significant number 83 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,147 of complaints lodged against them this year, 84 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,150 so they brought me in to implement a new policy. 85 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,653 This training seminar is going to be 86 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,489 structured, rigid and mandatory. 87 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,324 Fun's over. 88 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:14,027 I'm gonna sulk in a sex desk. 89 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,864 It's Captain Dave time. 90 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,166 Are you the flight instructor? 91 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,168 Hi, I'm Captain Jayden. 92 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,405 I'm not your... What's a Jayden? Where's Gus and Al? 93 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,074 How come I'm not choking on cigar smoke right now? 94 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:30,544 Hunter, Aden, Jayden, can we get this guy a chair and some water? 95 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,847 He's confused. Sir, it's going to be okay. 96 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,083 -PHIL: Captain Dave. -Oh, Phil. Thank God. 97 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,185 Did I walk into day care? Where's the crew? 98 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,620 Sorry, Dave. I thought you heard. 99 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,555 You're the last of the old guard. 100 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,592 Now that Al's with United and Gus is reunited with his wife, 101 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,427 you're training with all the newbies this year. 102 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,262 That's no problem. We're all pilots. 103 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,763 We all speak the same language. 104 00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,933 Hey there, boys. Sorry for the confusion. 105 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,102 What are you drinking over here? Macallan? Glenlivet? 106 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,904 -Kombucha. -Gesundheit. 107 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,574 (sighs) 108 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,614 So, I spoke to the gate agent. 109 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,049 Apparently somebody tampered with the smoke detectors. 110 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,418 Ugh. That happens all the time. 111 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,885 Usually Ronnie and Bernard just go in 112 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,887 with a pack of Kools and smoke it back online. 113 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,823 Huh. Well, clearly the replacement crew 114 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,492 don't know that trick, so we're gonna be delayed a while. 115 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,094 Hey, Artem, bad news. 116 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,431 We're not making it back to L.A. anytime soon, 117 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,933 so you have to find someone to run your hot sauce booth 118 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,235 -at the farmer's market. -Shh. I'm concentrating. 119 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,438 That slot machine has not paid out in weeks. 120 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,172 And according to my numbers, 121 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,643 in the next 200 spins, there will be a huge payout. 122 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,012 And that payout is more than $100,000. 123 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,781 Well, the problem is that old lady. 124 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,182 She hasn't moved for hours. 125 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:46,119 She's very stubborn, like stain in a Tide commercial. 126 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,788 Hey, if we help you get that machine, 127 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,290 will you split the winnings with us? I could use the money. 128 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,759 Grapefruits has really been struggling ever since 129 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,461 that taco place went topless. 130 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,263 Well, yeah. And I want to put a down payment on a house. 131 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,165 I could be that rarest of unicorns: 132 00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,867 a homeowner and an educator. 133 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,268 Okay, you got a deal. 134 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,304 We can split the money, if you can get that old lady off. 135 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,340 Well, then we better get that old lady off quick. 136 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,576 Let's maybe stop talking about getting an old lady off. 137 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,812 I can't believe they're treating us like this. 138 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,447 No one needs this party more than me. 139 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,648 (scoffs) Uh, I don't know, 140 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,850 except maybe the person who does most of your work. 141 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,387 Jean Chris, my exfoliator? Please. He loves what he does. 142 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,890 Hey, this is a bummer for everyone. We all needed this. 143 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,324 Yeah. I'm furious. 144 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,394 What am I gonna do with all these shrooms? 145 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,796 -I think you ate them. -Oh, yeah. 146 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,331 Well, what am I gonna do with all these shrooms? 147 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,234 Okay, that Jackpot Reno crew 148 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,036 -knows how to party. -Is terrifying. 149 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,838 Everyone, take your seats. 150 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:41,308 So, you've all heard about the revamped training. 151 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,177 Up here, you'll see the revised itinerary. 152 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,046 We'll start every day 7:00 a.m.... 153 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,416 Okay, I have to say something. 154 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:51,051 This is total horse crap. 155 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,153 We all work our asses off, 156 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,656 and we deserve two days a year to enjoy ourselves. 157 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,658 There have been quite a few... 158 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,860 Complaints. Yes, I know. 159 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,695 But, news flash, we're an airline. 160 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,431 Of course we're gonna have complaints. 161 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,833 People hate lines, hassles and facing their own mortality, 162 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,868 and we make them pay for all three. 163 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:11,338 So we demand to know what was so bad 164 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,906 that now we're being punished. 165 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,675 ALL: Yeah! 166 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,611 Okay. I didn't really want to single anybody out, 167 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,581 but since you demand to know 168 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,350 what caught our attention, here it is. 169 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,118 BERNARD (over video): Sir, I'm sorry. 170 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,788 You won't stay in your seat, so you've given us no choice. 171 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,924 Thank you for flying Jackpot. 172 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,568 Two million hits, though. That's pretty cool. 173 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,407 Hey, guys. 174 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,611 Wow, it is rough out here. No one will even look at us. 175 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:54,548 I know. Is this what it feels like to be a seven? 176 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,517 Answer me, Ronnie. 177 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,054 What are you doing? You can't sit here. 178 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,724 What, you're pissed at us, too? Oh, come on. 179 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,460 Who hasn't had to duct tape a passenger to his seat? 180 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,295 We were just unlucky enough to get caught. 181 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,964 I've never been caught because I've never done that. 182 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,066 Yeah, because you fly the Albuquerque to Vegas. 183 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,435 It's all stoic cowboys and rustic lesbians. 184 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,138 Well, we'll make it up to you. We'll have our own party. 185 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,174 I'll make Bakersfield Marys. It's just vodka and ketchup. 186 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,010 You should find somewhere else to sit. 187 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,845 Why don't you try the Reno table? 188 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,986 And then Gus said, "I don't care if it's just my head 189 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,088 and your boxers, I can still fly this plane." 190 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,957 And they let him. It was a different time. 191 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,759 I... I don't think I get it. 192 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,961 So... so he flew in his underwear? 193 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,362 No, my underwear. 194 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,164 That's why it's such a good story. 195 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,967 Now, a good story is the time I flew from Newark to Dulles 196 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,269 in 1:12 at a 30-knot wind shear. 197 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,939 -No. You didn't. Stop it. Tell me everything. -Yeah. Yeah. 198 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:52,940 I can't believe I haven't told you this. 199 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,974 I would love to hear more. 200 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,210 You guys look like I feel. 201 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,846 Well, not you, Bernard. You're always a stunner. 202 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,213 What happened to you? 203 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,516 Ugh. 204 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,151 Just these young guys. 205 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,986 They look at me like I'm a fossil. 206 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,521 They don't appreciate my war stories. 207 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,189 All they care about is their stats. 208 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,058 They don't get that flying is about 209 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,660 the shared human experience. 210 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,962 No one has ever gotten off a plane and said, 211 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,030 "Oh, I'm so glad we got here so quickly." 212 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,199 -Yes, they have. -That's literally all people say. 213 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,869 At least everyone isn't pissed at you for ruining their party. 214 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,671 Yeah. Heard about that. 215 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,073 So one person got duct taped, big deal. 216 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,408 We never claimed to be the friendly skies. 217 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,411 I guess it's just the three of us versus the Jackpot world. 218 00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,480 We have to stick together till this is over. 219 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,048 Yeah. If we're gonna survive this, 220 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,850 we need to be like Lew Wasserman and Jules Stein 221 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,418 when MCA turned its back on them. 222 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,654 I'm agreeing with you. 223 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:42,055 We have to stick together. 224 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,457 For the love of God, man, just say that! 225 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,897 Oh, we're now in payout window. 226 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,099 Every spin could bring big money. 227 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,434 Artem. I got this. 228 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,170 I used to work in the British Tea Museum. 229 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,106 The median age was 82. 230 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,508 I spent my days leading elderly ladies 231 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,945 down chamomile-scented halls, steeping them in the history 232 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,616 of our national beverage and dusting their crumpets. 233 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,186 I got lost in that story. 234 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,123 -Is he gonna bang that old lady? -Yeah. 235 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,868 -Hey! -(coins jingling) 236 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,136 Get it! 237 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,707 Ah. Mwah. 238 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,576 Nichole, you are the luckiest, 239 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,879 both spiritually and genetically. 240 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,114 You give her a pull. 241 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,887 -No! -What?! 242 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,722 -What happened? -Sorry about that. 243 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,223 I was working on this machine 244 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,659 and I must've tripped the circuit. 245 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,160 It-it'll just be a little while. 246 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,195 What? 247 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:59,066 Oh, this? 248 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,302 It's just 1.2 pounds of timekeeping magic. 249 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,805 It's my IWC Big Pilot's watch. 250 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,240 -The Rolex of wristwatches. -That's nothing. 251 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,776 Take a look at this. 252 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,845 This baby monitors my body temperature, 253 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,446 monitors my serotonin levels. 254 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,515 I can Bluetooth it to the on-flight computer 255 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,117 so I can track my performance. 256 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,452 You can probably even link it up to your hearing aid. 257 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,954 (laughter) 258 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,756 Well, I have you know my hearing was injured 259 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,257 from all my standing ovations I get 260 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,093 from my L.A. to Vegas flight. 261 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,162 Also, from my time as a roadie for The Huh, a Who cover band. 262 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,864 Wait, you fly the L.A. to Vegas? 263 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,632 So d-do you know those two flight attendants 264 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,834 that they caught on camera? 265 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,969 Yeah. Ronnie and Bernard. 266 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,537 That's my crew. 267 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,973 -(laughing) -Oh, my God. Th-They seem crazy. 268 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,709 You must have, like, a hundred stories. 269 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,878 Oh, I might have one or two. 270 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,614 There was one time when they buried an unruly passenger 271 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,350 -under a pile of rolly bags. -(laughter) 272 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,185 Oh, that's nothing. 273 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,822 I've seen those two use defibrillator paddles 274 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,657 -to make a grilled cheese. -(laughter) 275 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,860 -I'm lactose intolerant. -Yeah, we all are, Carter. 276 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,162 -Shut up. He's holding court. -Yeah, shut up, Carter. 277 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,563 (laughter) 278 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,833 -(P.A. beeps) -Sorry for the delay. 279 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,334 Jackpot Flight 1610 280 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,703 service to Los Angeles is now boarding. 281 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,806 That's our flight. 282 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,743 Sir, how much longer before that machine gets fixed? 283 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,644 Hey, these things take time, man. 284 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,413 Well, then that's it. Yeah. Let's go home. 285 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,083 So much for being a unicorn with a mortgage. 286 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,185 Guess I'm back to being a horse who rents. 287 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,586 Well, we can't give up. 288 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,255 Since the delay, 289 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,324 we're out $72 on overpriced airport hamburgers, 290 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:35,362 $21 on water bottles and $11 on Artem's Judith Krantz book. 291 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,231 Yeah. They say her books are formulaic, 292 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:41,101 but when the formula is perfect... 293 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,669 We're in too deep. 294 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,404 We started something and we have to finish it. 295 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,073 I say we ditch the flight 296 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,008 and wait for the machine to be fixed. Who's with me? 297 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,078 -I am. -Is this really going to hit? 298 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,013 Oh, it's gonna hit big. 299 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,882 Then I'm in. 300 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:57,384 Who has a fun way to pass the time? 301 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:58,786 (Artem clears throat) 302 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,553 (Colin groans) 303 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:05,058 "It was never more difficult for a woman to be beautiful 304 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:08,295 than during the 1920s." 305 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,033 Hey, why do you think Layla just called us in for this meeting? 306 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,701 Whatever it is, just deny. 307 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,305 Like Bjorn, my Swedish orthopedist, does to our love. 308 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:22,042 Ronnie. Bernard. 309 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,979 We would like to have a little chat with you 310 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,748 about some of the stories that we have been hearing. 311 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,251 We had assumed the video was an isolated incident. 312 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,953 But among other things, 313 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,089 there's talk of smothering a passenger with luggage 314 00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,625 and a culinary use of the defibrillators. 315 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,760 What do you have to say for yourselves? 316 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,595 -I... -We did every single one of those things, 317 00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:43,997 and I'd do every single one again. 318 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,899 I just realized I do not know this bitch. 319 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,600 When we're in the air, 320 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,970 we have to act quickly for the safety of everyone. 321 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,905 And sometimes that means grilling a cheese 322 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,908 for a screaming kid or using 18 pounds of luggage 323 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,977 for a woman who forgot her weighted blanket. 324 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,745 We have protocol for things like that. 325 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,114 Well, protocol doesn't exactly help 326 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,183 when you're breaking apart a bachelorette party fight 327 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,918 between three girls named Jessica 328 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,287 because Jessica 2 forgot the penis pops. 329 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,624 Bernard and I work on a flight that has monsters, 330 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,862 and, deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, 331 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,663 you want us on that flight. 332 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,866 You need us on that flight. 333 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,433 Who's gonna do it? You? 334 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,936 You, Flight Attendant Weinberg? 335 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,939 You are both suspended until further notice. 336 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,308 And when we return to Vegas tomorrow, 337 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,177 a disciplinary committee will decide the best way 338 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,145 -to move forward with you. -I'd like to switch 339 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,914 and become a star witness for the prosecution. 340 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,519 So it's always four cologne blasts: two to the chest, 341 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,188 one to the neck and one to the bean bag. 342 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,789 It burns like hell, but let me... 343 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,958 Hey, what the hell have you been saying about us? 344 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,393 What do you mean? 345 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,961 See, he's smart enough to deny it. 346 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,363 Let me guess, all those young guys were making fun 347 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,799 of your old man shoes, and you resorted to stories about us 348 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,167 to get some laughs. 349 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,504 -No. It was my old man watch. -(sighs) 350 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,506 And, yeah, I told some stories, but nothing that wasn't true. 351 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,074 You got us suspended! 352 00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,842 We are screwed now because you put yourself first, 353 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,177 like you always do. 354 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,812 To be fair, it's not all Dave's fault. 355 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,881 You're the one who went rogue and started yelling at everyone. 356 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,551 Excuse me. At least I tried to do something to fix this. 357 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,321 All you ever do is raise an eyebrow, cross your arms 358 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,489 and wait for me to finish so you can pipe in a snarky comment. 359 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,590 Are you done? 360 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,226 Knew he was gonna do it. Still loved it. 361 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,261 Don't you take my side. I should go tell everyone 362 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,829 all the crazy nonsense you do on the plane, 363 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,431 but I won't because I know how insecure 364 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,732 and desperate to be liked you are. 365 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,035 -Thank you. -He just insulted you, Dave. 366 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,870 I know. How? 367 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,039 Now you're defending him? Please. 368 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,340 You've been lying for years 369 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,942 about not watching Game of Thrones, 370 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,709 so you don't have to deal with all his questions. 371 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,878 How could you? You know how bad I am with history. 372 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,248 I had to read the books, and the books don't have boobs. 373 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,882 Well, maybe I'm just tired of you 374 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,784 relying on me for everything. 375 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,755 Both of you! You expect me to have the answers all the time, 376 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,024 and I am sick of bailing you both out. 377 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,559 Oh, look. It's Ronnie the martyr. 378 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,594 I didn't recognize you without your crown of thorns. 379 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,529 No spoilers. I haven't seen season seven. 380 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,965 RONNIE: I think I see the problem here. 381 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,033 We've been flying together for way too long. 382 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,801 We make a terrible team, 383 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,871 and I don't know if I want to be a part of it anymore. 384 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,273 (Dave groans) 385 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,041 And cue Bernard's snarky comment. 386 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,743 No. This is one Ronnie speech I agree with. 387 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:14,847 Even if her hair looks like something a goat sleeps on. 388 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,886 Ah. 389 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,488 Is the machine fixed yet? 390 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,423 -Not yet. -I don't understand. 391 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,592 How are you two still functioning right now? 392 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,960 You're with a stripper and a gambler. 393 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,162 3:00 a.m. is the middle of the day for us. 394 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,964 After this, we're going to get lunch. 395 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,733 Now transition into Tadasana. 396 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,335 (inhales deeply) 397 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,305 Mm. Garudasana. 398 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,340 (inhales deeply) 399 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,248 So, we're almost halfway there. You want to do a little switch 400 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,816 and let me jockey this thoroughbred? 401 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,251 I'm good. 402 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,086 I've seen guys your age drive before, 403 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,022 and I don't want to have the right blinker on 404 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,424 for the entire flight, so... 405 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,493 Just sit back and think about all the clothing you own 406 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,530 that was made before I was even born. 407 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,998 (Dave scoffs) 408 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,267 (quietly): Fashion's cyclical, Jayden. 409 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,371 I am still not talking to you, but I wanted you to have this. 410 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,473 It's for my white suede outfit you threw out. 411 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,342 Oh, please. You didn't even buy that outfit. 412 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,976 You stole it from your mom. 413 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,279 No. The one I stole from my mom had a red wine stain. 414 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,014 The one you threw out was payment 415 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,283 from that lawn mowing nerd I fake-dated to make popular. 416 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,952 Fine. Since we're doing this, 417 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,788 this is a bill for two months back rent. 418 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,190 Okay, well, these cancel each other out, 419 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,891 so I'm just gonna tear this up, 420 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,527 and now I'm gonna go be the hero and get our jobs back. 421 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,467 Look, Layla, I'm sorry about yesterday. 422 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,137 I reacted badly, and if you were generous enough 423 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,806 to lift our suspensions, moving forward, 424 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,210 I promise that I will stick to protocol. 425 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,212 What do you think? 426 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,147 I'm sorry. 427 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,149 I'm-I'm just trying to figure out 428 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,385 how you said all of that without a mouth. 429 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,488 What? 430 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,224 Oh, no. Where did you get that cookie? 431 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,059 We have an emergency. 432 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,860 Layla accidentally ate a Reno cookie, 433 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,230 and now she's high and she thinks she's a pirate! 434 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,031 (British accent): Land ho, Captain! 435 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,067 That's hilarious. I have a hanger in my carry-on 436 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,902 if she wants to do a hook thing. 437 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:18,838 It's not just Layla. The entire Reno crew is high. 438 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,341 I'm not sure on what, but it has a very 439 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,343 "cooked in a motel bathtub" vibe. 440 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,112 This isn't funny. This is an emergency! 441 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,879 There are too many people in this cockpit. 442 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:30,217 -Everyone relax. Bernie! -You're inviting more? 443 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,018 What's the sitch? 444 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,753 Seth is peaking, Alison's crying, and Scotty's trying 445 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,855 to do a Die Hard crawl through the overhead bins. 446 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,357 We have to make an emergency landing! 447 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,293 Oh, my little Jayden. That's the inexperience talking. 448 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,129 -You got this? -Piece of cake. 449 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,897 Ronnie, wait. This is important. 450 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,367 -Save me one of those cookies. -I already have. 451 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,868 Nice. 452 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,205 -(smoke alarm beeping) -(passengers murmuring) 453 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,641 What the hell? 454 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:57,677 I tried to make things better. I don't think I did. 455 00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,718 I tried to warm up a lavender eye mask 456 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,387 to calm down Layla, and then this happened. 457 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,158 You never use the microwave. That's what the paddles are for. 458 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,260 I'll handle this, you handle them. 459 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,927 Let's get to work. 460 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,565 Now would be a good time for the captain 461 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,766 to reassure the passengers. 462 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,502 Oh. 463 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,504 Hey, everyone. 464 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,640 I-I just want to let you know there's no reason to panic. 465 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,176 -We are... -What the hell are you doing? 466 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,910 -I... -Never say "panic" to a plane 467 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,812 full of passengers. 468 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,515 This calls for the soothing, gravely whisper 469 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,585 forged by a thousand cigars. 470 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,020 Hey, there, folks. Captain Dave here. 471 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,156 I know we got a bit of an unexpected situation, 472 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,158 but nothing we just don't call a Tuesday 473 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,194 on the old L.A. to Vegas run. 474 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,196 This whole thing actually reminds me 475 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,331 of something Captain Papa Dave once told me. 476 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,167 He said, "Son, do all the drugs you want. 477 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,469 "Just don't do them with people from Reno. 478 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,271 Because they're sickos." 479 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:02,008 Now sit back, relax and enjoy our descent into Las Vegas. 480 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,844 I'm gonna go ahead and turn the fasten seat belt sign off... 481 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,313 (seat belt indicator chimes) 482 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,048 ...because it's gonna be a smooth landing. 483 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,487 Layla, trust me. 484 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,156 If you let go, you're not gonna float away. 485 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,495 (sighs) Good. Gravity's back. 486 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,798 -Are you feeling better? -I think so. Thank you. 487 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,335 And I'm sorry, 'cause now I understand 488 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,804 how your way of doing things can sometimes be just necessary. 489 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,140 -And our suspensions? -Never happened. 490 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,209 -And the party? -Back on, next year. 491 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,810 We were thinking next Wednesday. 492 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,312 And we want a mashed potato bar 493 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,847 with one of those desk-chair combos 494 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,982 and a private room with a blind harp player. 495 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,584 Whatever you want, no problem. 496 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,152 Now, if you will excuse me, 497 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,355 I have to go rub my face against that wall. 498 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,789 -Mm. -Okay. 499 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,393 Artem, hours ago, you said, 500 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,262 "Trust me, this thing is ready to pop." 501 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,996 Yeah, but earlier, I was mistaken. 502 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,232 But now, believe me when I say trust me, 503 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,268 this thing is ready to pop. 504 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,505 (groans) 505 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,040 You know what? I'm done. This-this is ridiculous. 506 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,176 I can literally taste my own breath. 507 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,044 No, listen to me, my friend. 508 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:14,447 Life is a slot machine. 509 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:17,550 Sometimes you're wasting hours in a chair 510 00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,719 where nothing really happens, 511 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,123 and sometimes things line up just in the right way 512 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,293 and just in the right moment, 513 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,862 and it really seems like magic 514 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,965 -does exist after all. -(coin clinks) 515 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,233 (lever clicks) 516 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,971 -(screams) I hate you! -Whoa. 517 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,407 -Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Stupid machine! 518 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,974 Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends! 519 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,576 -Oh, Artem, no. -No, no, no, no, no! 520 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,177 -He's not worth it. -There, stop it. 521 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,251 So... 522 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,252 Yeah. 523 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,322 Me, too. 524 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,657 Listen, I might not say it enough, but I want you both 525 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,793 to know it's an honor to share the sky with you. 526 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,430 -And next time, I won't... -Yes, you will. 527 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,131 But I will try really hard not to... 528 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,099 -No, you won't. -No one interrupt me. 529 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:10,503 I'm still gonna make smart-ass comments, and they will sting. 530 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,238 (Colin sighs) 531 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,507 Hey. What are you guys still doing here? 532 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,943 -You haven't flown home yet? -It's a long story. 533 00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,778 Please, just get us back to L.A. 534 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,480 Okay. Okay, come on. 535 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,583 Let's go talk to a gate agent, get you on a flight. 536 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,452 -(slot machine ringing) -(people cheering) -Oh, wow. 537 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,654 Looks like someone just won the jackpot. 538 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,256 Wait. Was that our machine? 539 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,325 Don't turn around. Never turn around. 540 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,895 MAN: The money! It won't stop coming! I'm rich! 541 00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,899 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 542 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,136 You've hit the jackpot with LA to Vegas. 543 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,673 Now here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 544 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,876 (beeps) 911. What's your emergency? 545 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,512 MAN (on phone): I'm on Flight 46, and we're going down. 546 00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:55,314 Just tell my wife I'm so sorry that I cannot come home to you. 547 00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:56,383 Hello? 548 00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:01,488 This is your family. We got you, okay? 549 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,290 Rapid response now! 550 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,226 -We can't save everyone. -Says who? 551 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:09,496 It's time we showed Gotham who we are.